It's weird to see where we (as a dorm community) are now compared to the beginning of the year. Weeks 0 to 5 of last quarter saw everyone as very close friends who did almost everything "as a hall." Nowadays I see very distinct cliques (sometimes jokingly referred to as factions). Of course, this sort of thing is natural. We were all bound to start hanging around the people we have the most compatibility with. What makes me sad though is how our cliques don't seem to intermingle anymore. I was asked why I was never in the hall's common room anymore. Sad to say, I don't enjoy spending time out there anymore because I no longer feel welcome by several members of those other cliques.
Perhaps it's all in my head and I really have the world's most severe case of Social Anxiety Disorder. Maybe it's actually my fault and I did something offensive that I don't remember? Combination of both? I don't know. I wish I could know. It frustrates me that my only solution is to "smile and wave" through it until I grow the balls to actually confront the people I feel shunned by. I guess my greatest fear is that an accusation like that will lose me even their acknowledgement of my presence. Disappearing hurts.
I only want to make friends here. It was part of this college ideal I had set in mind when I made the decision to attend school out of state. I may be from California originally, but Utah has become the familiar world. A comfort zone despite what I see as fundamental flaws. Coming here meant breaking or damaging many ties, some even very dear to me. I can't help but lose contact with all but my closest friends, even as far as having to let my girlfriend go. All of the most emotionally charged decisions of my life within a matter of months.
So why do I come here? Nothing turns out exactly the way you planned it. Unless the thing you planned was too easy. I'm determined to push through this, no matter the outcome, for the experience. I look back on what I left behind, and I'm curious to see how much of that will reappear in my future to hear these tales of my time here. But for now I do have a close group of friends to be grateful for and I know will help me through this.
2013-01-25
2013-01-14
[三十五] 睡不著
Can't sleep, so I'm doing more out of that book.
弟6個事:Tell a story that begins with a ransom note.
A boy heads out for his first day of school with his father, despite his father's concerns for the boy's safety. Many years before, the boy lost his mother and siblings in a brutal massacre. As they approach the school, the boy quickly makes new friends and sets out to integrate with the class. However, this does little to calm the father's nerves. As such, he decides to secretly follow the class on their first field trip. During the trip, the boy sneaks out with his new friends to go to a shady part of town. While there, the boy is kidnapped following an emotional bout with his father. Unwilling to cope with the loss of his final son, the father desperately pursues to no avail. He requests help from several strangers in a crowd, finding only one woman willing to help him. As they search for his son, they come across the Ransom Note. It is a plain note written on a most unconventional medium. On it is written their only clue, the name and address of the culprit:
P. Sherman
42 Wallaby Way, Sydney
弟7個事:Something you had that was stolen.
We all remember those cheesy "fun"raisers from our elementary school. If you're a parent, you most likely remember them as times that you would promise your child to solicit your coworkers into buying cheesy seasonal products or cookie dough. As a child, I remembered them as opportunities to win some pretty awesome prizes. Looking back on them, I probably didn't reap the fruit of my (parents') labors as well as I felt I did. (Sell $200 worth of cookie dough, earn a $25 neon light fixture..) Nevertheless, in first grade, through the combined efforts of my excellent salesmanship, childhood cuteness, and my father's coworker's sympathy, I managed to hook myself up with one of them fancy "spy" telescopes. That afternoon after school, as I sat in the parking lot waiting for my parents, I began to fiddle with my new device. Little did I realize, my basketball team happened to be holding practice that day. I saw them beginning the practice across the field and decided to quickly talk to the coach since my parents were to arrive soon. Before setting out, I asked an unknown kid to watch my things for me. I quickly explained the situation to my coach and ran back to where my parents were waiting. There sat my backback. There didn't sit my telescope. To this day, I do not remember who that kid was. I still remember, and I want it back. >:(
弟8個事:The long-lost roommate.
Coincidentally, this is the story of my college life at the moment.. It's still being written. I'll tell you how it ends eventually.
弟9個事:What a character holding a blue object is thinking right now.
"Ooh it's so stiff.. What a strange color too. I've never had a blue one before.. Why is this so difficult? If I can just.. get this to.. Oh! There! It came out. Ew, it's all over my hand.. Shoulda been a bit more careful.. Maybe I can wipe it off on these sheets.. No. I don't want to stain them.. Oh I know! I'll just put it on the wall here.. Perfect! Now I've got a head start on painting my wall blue! ^__^"
(This was a test to see how dirty-minded you are. You probably failed.)
弟10個事:Write a scene where the only spoken dialogue is
"Uh-huh", "Umm", "Urrrrr", "Mm-mmm".
Kashyyyk Diaries Day 1:
URRRRRRRR.. UHUH? UMM.. URRRRRRRRRRRR!! URRRRRRRMMM. MMMMMM-MMMM.
弟11個事:Tell a complete stranger about a beloved family tradition.
Stranger, I would love to tell you all about my family's quirky traditions. Sadly however, we have none. If in the future, my own family does happen to have a few, then I will happily tell you all about them then. :)
Well this is all I got for now. I'm finally getting sleepy and I have a class at 9am.. So 晚安! :)
2013-01-09
[三十四] 642個事
So over Christmas break, my cousin gave me this book for Christmas. There is no story to this book, mostly empty lines. However, heading each section of empty lines is a random writing topic. My moods been pretty down the last few days, so to take my mind off the troubling feels, and to brush up my weak writing skills, I'm going to start filling in some of those lines. Oh yes, and since I hate to write in books, I'll be posting them on my blog. :D So get ready. Haha This should give me a good reason to post more often from now on. I'll even start today.
弟1個事: What can happen in a second?
Well for one, a second can happen in a second. So can 1000 milliseconds. It only takes one second for your life to take an unexpected turn. That said, make sure to live for the moment. Planning too far ahead will cause you to miss the scenery around you. Constantly look back, and you're bound to trip eventually.
弟2個事: The worst Thanksgiving dish you ever had:
Being a college student paying an out of state tuition takes a toll on your bank account. This past Thanksgiving, I actually could not afford to visit home for the holiday. I also couldn't afford much in the way of good food. I and a friend went to a restaurant to eat, however, compared to a home cooked meal, it wasn't much.
弟3個事: A houseplant is dying. Tell it why it needs to live.
(Buhahahaha.) Don't die houseplant. :) If you die, who will there be to spice up the top shelf of my study table? Of course, I could always buy a new bamboo from the nearest Chinese market, so you're totally replaceable. But I've kept you alive for a couple years now right? You're a gift from a good friend. So drink your water like a good plant and go back and enjoy your plant-ness.
弟4個事: Write Facebook status updates for the year 2017.
- First year out of college!!! :D
- I need a job.. :(
- Back to the parents' basement..
- "Justin Pataray is in a relationship with........"
- ".......forever alone."
'nuff said.
弟5個事: You are an astronaut. Describe your perfect day.
There are no days in space. I was having a perfect time, however taunting me with the fact that you still have a normal day/night cycle has soured my mood. Thanks.
Well those were random.. I'll try to do a handful or so of them whenever I get bored. :)
2013-01-06
[三十三] 誤點的心破
我今天早上從猶他回來。 新學期這個星期一開始。 昨天,我跟兩個好朋友最後一分鐘地打算去滑雪。 滑雪真過得太好玩。 我比較下次真的進步了。 今年,我只摔倒了兩次! ^__^ 滑雪以後,我去Cafe Rio吃晚飯。 餐館的菜只很馬馬虎虎。。 哈哈 但是很便宜,所以理所當然吧。。
無論如何,我現在要寫的理由是因為其中一位好朋友是我的前女友。 儘管都真的不要,我們三個月前分手了。 她不能來加州上大學讓異地戀太難。 我們為什麼等我離開了以後分手呢? 其實那時候,我真的指望她能夠跟我去加州上大學。 他甚至說了會想想。 既然她比我小一歲,還有一些月決定。 我擔心地等她的決定好了。 可惜她不會離開她的家人。
昨天和她一起的時候,我明白還有時候我十分想念她。 明白了儘管我開始喜歡新的,還有愛她的感覺。 明白了她也找到心喜歡的人。 明白知道她有心喜歡的讓我感到很心破。 我要告訴她: 對不起我已經讓妳感覺這一樣。 儘管我們都放下了,我總會想念妳。 為妳給我的8個月,感謝妳。 那其中8個月真的是我生活的最好的。 祝妳跟他好幸福/運。 不會忘記妳了。
我只要寫關於那個事。 我不知道妳是否會念這。 我承認我在哭一邊寫這。 希望寫這讓我真的放下,給我們的章節很好的結局。 暫且再見。 請在將來的章節到了好嗎?
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